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Day 18: Puzzled with a Puzzle


Hello!

 The goal of this blog is day 365. I love my mother with all of my being and it would be great if I could give her the gift next Christmas of me being sober for an entire year. This means I have to stay busy.

 My next hobby that I am attempting to get into is doing puzzles! The first puzzle I put together was from Wal-Mart. It wasn't very stressful and I put it together with some help from my husband. Apparently he likes puzzles. That's the good news. Apart from the tasteless scenery that seems to be the common theme of all puzzles, the act of putting something together piece by piece helps me feel so accomplished when the picture is finally completed. I likened it to putting my own life together which felt nice as I always feel like my life is a mess.

 The not so good part: Depending on the day of my recovery; puzzles can begin to feel like a trigger. I'll explain. I purchased a beautiful looking puzzle from dollar tree. I know, I know. You don't have to tell me because I am well aware. I. Went. Cheap. I expected the puzzles to be thinner or a picture of something no one could relate to. I was actually very shocked when I found one that looked very beautiful. I didn't get to use the puzzle until the following weekend when my husband would be away at a diaper party for a friend. As soon as the door shut and I told him to be safe I ripped off the tape and opened the tiny box. Out came the tiniest pieces to a puzzle I have ever seen in my entire life.

 I laughed out loud. (Trying to stay away from LOL, you're welcome) I laughed until I cried. 550 pieces to the smallest puzzle known to man. At first I approached this situation as, "challenge accepted!" I put on a movie I really loved and knew by heart and began putting together the outer edge as I always do. Then came the fun part. All of the little pieces seemed to have the same shades of purple pink and blue. They were so small I couldn't tell where they were blending. Every piece seemed to go together, but deep down I knew the water couldn't be the same as the sky. On top of all of this I was putting together a piece of art that looked like Monet's Water Lilies. The whole thing was one big color splat, which is beautiful, until you're trying to put the darn thing together.

 Soon I became irritated. For those of you that know what it's like to quit something you use when you're angry, upset, frustrated, happy, excited, celebrating, confused, bored...(pretty much for every emotion)...you know what it's like to get truly frustrated or feel cheated and not be able to take care of it the way you and your body wants to. You would have been proud though! I felt myself getting frustrated, and walked away from the puzzle. One week went by and I was ready to come back to it. There were plates in the area and some pieces had been moved. Upon further inspection pieces were found on the ground under the coffee table. One was even found in my husband's shoe. Needless to say, I calmly swept the entire remnants of the puzzle into the trash. All my hard work...down the drain and I got frustrated. :( 

 Not so good things:
1.) Don't go cheap. Tiny pieces = fast frustration
2.) People will try to tell you what YOU are doing wrong with YOUR puzzle.
3.) It is a fairly expensive hobby if you have issues finishing something in the same day you start it.

 Puzzles can be a team building exercise when you are 100% healthy and firing on all cylinders. If you are working toward operating in this manner do NOT work on puzzles with others. It becomes their puzzle and their close proximity, when you get frustrated, my lead to unreasonable lashing out and gnashing of teeth. If you are like me and have to finish things when you start them, then you should not look into puzzles as an option. 

 The good news:
1.) It showed me something that my husband and I had in common.
2.) I learned that I love doing puzzles...sparingly.
3.) It is very relaxing when I'm doing the right puzzle and am in the right mindset.

 Puzzles, as long as they are normal and you are mentally prepared that this will not be a race, can be relaxing and a great use of your time. I would advise purchasing a card table so that you have a unique space to do this puzzle and keep the pieces safe. Small pieces that can fit any where in the puzzle and get lost easily might result in relapse. Proceed with caution. Definitely not the go to hobby when you are having a rough day.  What puzzle are you willing to try? Good luck!

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