Let me start my 22nd day by saying that this post might have been titled differently today. Among the list of new things I was trying to do, involving games of the past was definitely not one of my finer moments. Nevertheless, I write today to let you know so perhaps you can avoid my mistake.
Yesterday was New Year's Eve. Happy New Year! For those of you starting a day one this day, good on you for trying or maybe for changing after seeing your reflection. Everyday won't be a victory and, regardless of the new year, everyday is a new day and a perfect opportunity to start over. I had the option to spend New Year's Eve with my family. A calm relaxing night where we would do puzzles, play games, and have sparkling grape juice at midnight. No hope of alcohol arriving at the scene. I fully intended on going. A moment of weakness prevailed and I offered the holiday time choice to my husband, full well knowing the choice he'd make for both of us.
My husband chose to spend the holiday with his friends in his hometown. To preface this time I will let you know that I have never spent a sober moment with his friends. It's not because I don't like them and needed alcohol to be social; it's simply because they drink to have fun. If you're not drinking they hound you until you cave. Starting to see why this was a bad choice? For some reason I thought I could go to this party and have fun like the old times and be a new person.
The night began at 6 pm and at first it wasn't so bad. I said I wasn't drinking and everyone was respectful. We played a game called higher or lower and I brought my own cup so I could play along and have my own special drink. There were only 7 people to begin with. As the night progressed and we went into town to grab some soda and his mom there were more and more people. One of my biggest triggers is crowds of people in social situations. Unless I drink I feel judged and awkward and as if the whole room is talking about me. I know this isn't the case but when it's happening I feel like it's all true.
We came back and there were 15 to 20 people there. Most of them I'd met but didn't know very well. A couple of them don't care for me and we don't speak. Needless to say I immediately regretted my decision. Normally I would drink but, since I couldn't, every little thing became irritating and I chose to hide (best I could) in the corner. You know this never works; ESPECIALLY around drunk people. The only person who didn't check on me was my husband funny enough. He was off being a social butterfly completely unaware of my inner turmoil and social anxiety. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. "You should drink," "Take a shot, " "Coooommeee OOOOOOOONNNN." "You look like you're not having fun and it's ruining people's time." "You need to drink." Now, in their defense, they won't remember what they said tomorrow and I've been there. It was so difficult and I ALMOST walked out and left. If my husband hadn't come back when he did I would have.
After my husband and I had a discussion he made me feel better and my anxiety started to calm down but for a while I felt claustrophobic and like I was going to throw up. We played corn-hole and some games of water pong in a warm garage. People began to leave me alone and I warmed up to the idea of having fun without drinking. Some more people came who I did not know very well. Drama occurred, arguments took place, women were crying, and for the first time in a long time, none of it was my fault or involved me. It was wonderful. I eventually faded into the scenery, kissed my husband at midnight, put out a few fires and dragged my drunk Stumbalina home at about 5:00 am.
The not so good parts:
1.) The temptation to drink was through the roof.
2.) Old situations induce old habits.
3.) The peer pressure was horrific and insulting.
4.) Telling people I wasn't drinking made me feel like a junkie and a loser.
5.) Being the brunt of social isolation and ridicule was ridiculous and unwanted.
The better side:
1.) I felt like a true Spartan Champion when I hit my first midnight sober and kissed my husband.
2.) The next day I felt liberated and exonerated.
3.) It was nice to see what a party could be like being sober and leaving sober.
4.) You find out who your real friends are.
5.) You are able to drive the whole party home.
Overall this is a DO NOT recommend. Had I not been in the right mindset I would have failed. It was miserable. I felt alone and sad during a holiday that should be about reflections, soul searching, and new beginnings. Spend holidays with people and family that support you trying to be the best you. Good luck in your new year, new you quest. Comment your good choices you made below for New Year's Eve to give me a good idea on how to spend mine sober and beautifully me next year. Thank you!
Yesterday was New Year's Eve. Happy New Year! For those of you starting a day one this day, good on you for trying or maybe for changing after seeing your reflection. Everyday won't be a victory and, regardless of the new year, everyday is a new day and a perfect opportunity to start over. I had the option to spend New Year's Eve with my family. A calm relaxing night where we would do puzzles, play games, and have sparkling grape juice at midnight. No hope of alcohol arriving at the scene. I fully intended on going. A moment of weakness prevailed and I offered the holiday time choice to my husband, full well knowing the choice he'd make for both of us.
My husband chose to spend the holiday with his friends in his hometown. To preface this time I will let you know that I have never spent a sober moment with his friends. It's not because I don't like them and needed alcohol to be social; it's simply because they drink to have fun. If you're not drinking they hound you until you cave. Starting to see why this was a bad choice? For some reason I thought I could go to this party and have fun like the old times and be a new person.
The night began at 6 pm and at first it wasn't so bad. I said I wasn't drinking and everyone was respectful. We played a game called higher or lower and I brought my own cup so I could play along and have my own special drink. There were only 7 people to begin with. As the night progressed and we went into town to grab some soda and his mom there were more and more people. One of my biggest triggers is crowds of people in social situations. Unless I drink I feel judged and awkward and as if the whole room is talking about me. I know this isn't the case but when it's happening I feel like it's all true.
We came back and there were 15 to 20 people there. Most of them I'd met but didn't know very well. A couple of them don't care for me and we don't speak. Needless to say I immediately regretted my decision. Normally I would drink but, since I couldn't, every little thing became irritating and I chose to hide (best I could) in the corner. You know this never works; ESPECIALLY around drunk people. The only person who didn't check on me was my husband funny enough. He was off being a social butterfly completely unaware of my inner turmoil and social anxiety. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. "You should drink," "Take a shot, " "Coooommeee OOOOOOOONNNN." "You look like you're not having fun and it's ruining people's time." "You need to drink." Now, in their defense, they won't remember what they said tomorrow and I've been there. It was so difficult and I ALMOST walked out and left. If my husband hadn't come back when he did I would have.
After my husband and I had a discussion he made me feel better and my anxiety started to calm down but for a while I felt claustrophobic and like I was going to throw up. We played corn-hole and some games of water pong in a warm garage. People began to leave me alone and I warmed up to the idea of having fun without drinking. Some more people came who I did not know very well. Drama occurred, arguments took place, women were crying, and for the first time in a long time, none of it was my fault or involved me. It was wonderful. I eventually faded into the scenery, kissed my husband at midnight, put out a few fires and dragged my drunk Stumbalina home at about 5:00 am.
The not so good parts:
1.) The temptation to drink was through the roof.
2.) Old situations induce old habits.
3.) The peer pressure was horrific and insulting.
4.) Telling people I wasn't drinking made me feel like a junkie and a loser.
5.) Being the brunt of social isolation and ridicule was ridiculous and unwanted.
The better side:
1.) I felt like a true Spartan Champion when I hit my first midnight sober and kissed my husband.
2.) The next day I felt liberated and exonerated.
3.) It was nice to see what a party could be like being sober and leaving sober.
4.) You find out who your real friends are.
5.) You are able to drive the whole party home.
Overall this is a DO NOT recommend. Had I not been in the right mindset I would have failed. It was miserable. I felt alone and sad during a holiday that should be about reflections, soul searching, and new beginnings. Spend holidays with people and family that support you trying to be the best you. Good luck in your new year, new you quest. Comment your good choices you made below for New Year's Eve to give me a good idea on how to spend mine sober and beautifully me next year. Thank you!
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