Some times when I'm working toward this goal I feel like being an adult is an IMPOSSIBLE task. In my beautiful shiny image of adultiness, I see myself wearing a light pink blouse with a perfect bun, a folded bandanna headband, smiling like the sun is always shining on my face. Let's come back from my personal "La La Land". I know and you know this image is unreasonable and improbable. First of all I will most likely change my hair and outfits a million times in the next ten years alone. Secondly, there is no perma-sun that will follow me around indoors and outdoors. The point of this person I see, as myself, is to remind me what I'm working toward. The underlying metaphor is happiness, peace, and no unneeded stimuli.
I know that my path won't be easy, I get this, but I need some clarity. This weekend I got into a knock down, drag out fight over a pair of light blue shorts. I'm not entirely sure if it was because the situation was so ridiculous or if it was because of my lessened amount of patience that had me seeing red. Let's start from the beginning. A stained blue pair of men's shorts were the height of the social events for my weekend. They were, apparently (I had no idea), my husband's favorite pair. They got a stain on them a month ago and I promised I would get it out. Life happened and I forgot. Now, I'm not saying I didn't screw up because, let's face it, I did. I made a promise, I was negligent, and now a blue pair of shorts is suffering because of it. The reason senses were heightened is because my husband starts going on a rant about how terrible I am, how he'll never get these shorts back, how could I do this...it goes on. I'm letting him go off and I'm upset because I feel guilty. My knee jerk reaction is to cry. Why? I have no idea. I'm a crier. I've been crying since the 6th grade. This makes him angry because he feels like the bad guy when he should be able to say how he feels. This is when it all goes terribly, terribly wrong.
We start bringing up the past. It goes from a pair of shorts to how he's never right and he's always made out to be the bad guy. Then I jump on the train because there's only so much guilt my body can take before it goes into defense mode and there's some underlying root that makes this his fault. And, in short, we lose it. We fight for HOURS. I mean all day long. We would get slightly better and one snide remark would send us back down the rabbit hole again. I got to the deepest, darkest part of my subconscious and I contemplate the idea of running away and thinking life will never get better. A true low point. During all of this the only thing my brain can ask for is what I definitely don't need. I felt defeated. I didn't know how to be an adult and the things I had been working on sure as hell didn't feel effective that day. I went to bed feeling empty and like I had back slid 20 steps.
The next day we both woke up and no words were exchanged. After a day like we had, what could be said that would mask what had already been said. I barely convinced myself to wake up and exist but a small idea peeked in the back of my mind. Church. I felt the urgency to get my sorry self out of bed and go to church. I am a religious person. I have been my whole life. For those of you who are not religious think of this as a place of peace. A place that calls you when you're at your low point. A place that, when you go, you feel like all of that gunk that pollutes your soul is washed clean and you can start fresh with the life juice we all need to exist...hope. I knew that in order to feel better I had to go to my place of sanctuary. We both went. I didn't shower, but I didn't need to. God, an all powerful being, doesn't care whether I stink or not.
I go to church hoping to hear words of wisdom and what I get is more than what I ever expected. The message was about how to make your life successful if you feel like it is not. He gave us 4 steps to help. Number 1) Be honest with yourself and face your short comings. Meet those head on and tackle them one at a time. It's true the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one, but it's more than that. You have to work hard toward fixing them. Number 2) Let go of your past and don't dwell on it. This also included learning how to forget things that aren't healthy or important. Don't let the past control you or your actions towards others. Wow! This hit home like a Mack Truck. I am horrible about my past being a part of how I handle people and how I see myself. It is the root of most of my self-hatred. Number 3) Focus on the future. Set goals to work toward your future and actively pursue them. Number 4) Fight to win! Determination is important. This was powerful enough to get me determined, consumed with hope, and continue on my fight to happiness and a better tomorrow.
The activity I am presenting you with today is in two parts. Take time to find a place of sanctuary. It doesn't have to be a church ( Although I highly recommend it). It could be a place in the forest that only you know about, your mom's house where she makes cookies, any place that brings nothing but peace to you. The second thing you need to do is paint your picture. See the person you want to be and this involves setting goals. Write down some long term goals and short term goals. Achieving the short term goals fuels the hope (I can do anything good vibes). You need both to keep you motivated and headed in the right direction.
Don't get held up this week on the little things, i.e your pair of blue shorts. I know we're gonna have short tempers, that's just a part of the choices we made. Don't let these little things stop you. It's okay to be sad and disappointed in someone but don't wallow and set up camp in your anger or sorrow. Learn to let things go and remember you and your partner are on the same team. When you feel like your on your knees and crying that deep throated cry don't do this alone. You are never alone. Seek your sanctuary or some outside help. You can even comment below if you need an outside opinion but don't quit. Don't give into the actions or paths you're used to. You got this! We both do. Smile Monday is tomorrow :) good luck and try the 4 steps!
I know that my path won't be easy, I get this, but I need some clarity. This weekend I got into a knock down, drag out fight over a pair of light blue shorts. I'm not entirely sure if it was because the situation was so ridiculous or if it was because of my lessened amount of patience that had me seeing red. Let's start from the beginning. A stained blue pair of men's shorts were the height of the social events for my weekend. They were, apparently (I had no idea), my husband's favorite pair. They got a stain on them a month ago and I promised I would get it out. Life happened and I forgot. Now, I'm not saying I didn't screw up because, let's face it, I did. I made a promise, I was negligent, and now a blue pair of shorts is suffering because of it. The reason senses were heightened is because my husband starts going on a rant about how terrible I am, how he'll never get these shorts back, how could I do this...it goes on. I'm letting him go off and I'm upset because I feel guilty. My knee jerk reaction is to cry. Why? I have no idea. I'm a crier. I've been crying since the 6th grade. This makes him angry because he feels like the bad guy when he should be able to say how he feels. This is when it all goes terribly, terribly wrong.
We start bringing up the past. It goes from a pair of shorts to how he's never right and he's always made out to be the bad guy. Then I jump on the train because there's only so much guilt my body can take before it goes into defense mode and there's some underlying root that makes this his fault. And, in short, we lose it. We fight for HOURS. I mean all day long. We would get slightly better and one snide remark would send us back down the rabbit hole again. I got to the deepest, darkest part of my subconscious and I contemplate the idea of running away and thinking life will never get better. A true low point. During all of this the only thing my brain can ask for is what I definitely don't need. I felt defeated. I didn't know how to be an adult and the things I had been working on sure as hell didn't feel effective that day. I went to bed feeling empty and like I had back slid 20 steps.
The next day we both woke up and no words were exchanged. After a day like we had, what could be said that would mask what had already been said. I barely convinced myself to wake up and exist but a small idea peeked in the back of my mind. Church. I felt the urgency to get my sorry self out of bed and go to church. I am a religious person. I have been my whole life. For those of you who are not religious think of this as a place of peace. A place that calls you when you're at your low point. A place that, when you go, you feel like all of that gunk that pollutes your soul is washed clean and you can start fresh with the life juice we all need to exist...hope. I knew that in order to feel better I had to go to my place of sanctuary. We both went. I didn't shower, but I didn't need to. God, an all powerful being, doesn't care whether I stink or not.
I go to church hoping to hear words of wisdom and what I get is more than what I ever expected. The message was about how to make your life successful if you feel like it is not. He gave us 4 steps to help. Number 1) Be honest with yourself and face your short comings. Meet those head on and tackle them one at a time. It's true the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one, but it's more than that. You have to work hard toward fixing them. Number 2) Let go of your past and don't dwell on it. This also included learning how to forget things that aren't healthy or important. Don't let the past control you or your actions towards others. Wow! This hit home like a Mack Truck. I am horrible about my past being a part of how I handle people and how I see myself. It is the root of most of my self-hatred. Number 3) Focus on the future. Set goals to work toward your future and actively pursue them. Number 4) Fight to win! Determination is important. This was powerful enough to get me determined, consumed with hope, and continue on my fight to happiness and a better tomorrow.
The activity I am presenting you with today is in two parts. Take time to find a place of sanctuary. It doesn't have to be a church ( Although I highly recommend it). It could be a place in the forest that only you know about, your mom's house where she makes cookies, any place that brings nothing but peace to you. The second thing you need to do is paint your picture. See the person you want to be and this involves setting goals. Write down some long term goals and short term goals. Achieving the short term goals fuels the hope (I can do anything good vibes). You need both to keep you motivated and headed in the right direction.
Don't get held up this week on the little things, i.e your pair of blue shorts. I know we're gonna have short tempers, that's just a part of the choices we made. Don't let these little things stop you. It's okay to be sad and disappointed in someone but don't wallow and set up camp in your anger or sorrow. Learn to let things go and remember you and your partner are on the same team. When you feel like your on your knees and crying that deep throated cry don't do this alone. You are never alone. Seek your sanctuary or some outside help. You can even comment below if you need an outside opinion but don't quit. Don't give into the actions or paths you're used to. You got this! We both do. Smile Monday is tomorrow :) good luck and try the 4 steps!
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