The next item on my list of hobbies to try is planning and going on trips! I had two trips planned and, of course they were back to back. I am not very good at this expert planning business. I'm definitely going to have to work on my ability to coordinate time frames better. Of course I'm sure this will get better as I go along, 🙄 hopefully. But, adultiness can't be accomplished in a day so I have to be patient with myself. Any hooskies, back to business.
My husband and I had planned to go to Missouri to see one of his good friends and hang out. He always wants me to come with him every where he goes and this makes me feel welcome and loved but I'll admit, I was a little apprehensive to go on this trip. Firstly because he and his friends make every event into a brothel and secondly because of my social anxiety. I'm always awkward but this occasion was special. You see, I wasn't sure if his friend was going to remember the one thing I did that one time on my wedding day when I MIGHT have requested in a raw form of human dragon for him to leave..YEAH. Weddings are already stressful enough, add a lot a bit of drama, some personal experience of heartbreak, and a dash of intoxication and you've got yourself one asshole bride, me. He came to the reception to hang out with us and celebrate our nuptials but so did is ex-girlfriend of 2 years. Let me just spare you the gory details because I'm sure you can already see the recipe for potential disaster. The girl he had broken up with had been drinking and was sobbing, she claimed this about him, he claimed this about her and, being unreasonable and bias to females, I took her side and when he tried to talk to her I lost it and told him he was causing problems and needed to go. It was not pretty. Since then he has apologized to my husband, but I have an issue with being able to let things go and not hold grudges or guilt. Needless to say I detested the idea of going. Ultimately I forced myself to go because working this out was inevitable and I needed to stick to the plans my husband had made.
When we got there I was kind and he was kind but there was that awkward lingering feeling like something needed to be said. He waited until he had a few beers and of course it came flying out. At first he made a cheap shot comment and, being non-confrontational, I ignored it and skirted around it but 20 minutes later he told me that he cried the way home after I told him to leave. I am honestly not sure if he was attempting to make amends by saying he felt bad or if he was trying to make me feel guilty but since he hadn't apologized to me for the event I decided to be honest and for the first time in my life I shot back in a very calm and respectful way. I told him if it made him feel any better that I too spent my whole wedding night crying as well. I told him my wedding was nothing like I imagined and it was the worst day of my life. This changed the entire dynamic of the conversation and we were able to discuss what went wrong on both of our ends. I apologized for being belligerent and drunk and he apologized for causing any rift. It was therapeutic and lifted a HUGE weight from my chest. From that night on we had an AMAZING time. I was able to be myself and so was he.
My list didn't include what happened above. I thought that making trips would always be fun and relaxing but the more I go throughout my journey the more bridges I come across that say, "Road Closed," forcing me to find another way around them. Deciding not to drink, in itself, is already difficult enough but having to face and fix all of the chaos you've caused can be hard too. In planning trips I've realized I have work to do on mending the relationships I've severed in not handling things the right way. I will continue to make trips, being the sober friend in a sea of people who love and support me and don't require me to drink to feel welcome in their lives.
I ended up having a great time and was honest for the first time, to my friends, about my alcoholism. They supported me all weekend and I got to participate in all of their fun events even though I wasn't drinking. No one asked me to drink. No one badgered me. Not even the people who were there that were strangers to me asked me to drink or wondered why I wasn't. I was able to just be. I recommend making trips with people even if you think it might be awkward because of something you have done. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to at least you will have closure and you can find another path around the road that is closed.
Things To Consider:
1) Always bring someone or make sure someone is there who is in your corner 100%
2) Be mentally prepared to say that you are not drinking and be honest about why you are not
3) Have your feelings and thoughts ready if you know someone will be there that may not dig you for either something you have done or for a reason that is out of your control.
I definitely wouldn't have been able to do this if my husband wasn't with me. At the end of the day I know he has my back if I need it and that made me strong enough to say what I needed to say. People will offer you a drink if that's what you have done in the past or that's what they do. It's okay to say no and say why you're not. Be ready, not all friends are meant to come with us on this journey, and that will become painfully clear when you tell them you're not drinking. True friends should support you no matter what path you choose and these are the kinds of friends you should aspire to have. I'm not good at confrontation. I always have to have prerecorded phrases in my head when I am going into a situation where they may be needed. When I told my husband's friend how I felt I already had those feelings fresh in my brain. I was aware of them and was then able to make him aware of it also in the heat of the moment. Prepare things that are honest and truthful so when you are upset these will be the things said instead of the colorful comments that aren't conducive to healing.
Positives:
1) I had an awesome time and didn't feel the need to drink but one time and it was fleeting.
2) I realized I love Missouri and it will become a new and frequent vacation spot of mine 💗
3) I got to try out having fun in a new way and realized that I can do this if I want to
This vacation was relaxing, fun, and warm. I got to play Water slide Kickball, Trouble, Uno, Presidents and Jerks ;), cornhole, and, briefly, waterpong (briefly as I went to bed shortly after this). I enjoyed the warmth of the sun as I tanned in a pool, and the fireside at night as we roasted marshmallows and hot dogs. I made closer connections and exercised my voice when things weren't fair or were "ridiculous" as others cheated at games. I was able to go to bed when the drinking increased toward the end of the night and felt empowered by this event. Plan your own trips with people you love. Comment below if you're going through a rough time with your friends or if you have trips you're taking so we can share ideas on where to go from here. Visit Missouri it's GORGEOUS. Until next time be beautiful by being YOU.
My husband and I had planned to go to Missouri to see one of his good friends and hang out. He always wants me to come with him every where he goes and this makes me feel welcome and loved but I'll admit, I was a little apprehensive to go on this trip. Firstly because he and his friends make every event into a brothel and secondly because of my social anxiety. I'm always awkward but this occasion was special. You see, I wasn't sure if his friend was going to remember the one thing I did that one time on my wedding day when I MIGHT have requested in a raw form of human dragon for him to leave..YEAH. Weddings are already stressful enough, add a lot a bit of drama, some personal experience of heartbreak, and a dash of intoxication and you've got yourself one asshole bride, me. He came to the reception to hang out with us and celebrate our nuptials but so did is ex-girlfriend of 2 years. Let me just spare you the gory details because I'm sure you can already see the recipe for potential disaster. The girl he had broken up with had been drinking and was sobbing, she claimed this about him, he claimed this about her and, being unreasonable and bias to females, I took her side and when he tried to talk to her I lost it and told him he was causing problems and needed to go. It was not pretty. Since then he has apologized to my husband, but I have an issue with being able to let things go and not hold grudges or guilt. Needless to say I detested the idea of going. Ultimately I forced myself to go because working this out was inevitable and I needed to stick to the plans my husband had made.
When we got there I was kind and he was kind but there was that awkward lingering feeling like something needed to be said. He waited until he had a few beers and of course it came flying out. At first he made a cheap shot comment and, being non-confrontational, I ignored it and skirted around it but 20 minutes later he told me that he cried the way home after I told him to leave. I am honestly not sure if he was attempting to make amends by saying he felt bad or if he was trying to make me feel guilty but since he hadn't apologized to me for the event I decided to be honest and for the first time in my life I shot back in a very calm and respectful way. I told him if it made him feel any better that I too spent my whole wedding night crying as well. I told him my wedding was nothing like I imagined and it was the worst day of my life. This changed the entire dynamic of the conversation and we were able to discuss what went wrong on both of our ends. I apologized for being belligerent and drunk and he apologized for causing any rift. It was therapeutic and lifted a HUGE weight from my chest. From that night on we had an AMAZING time. I was able to be myself and so was he.
My list didn't include what happened above. I thought that making trips would always be fun and relaxing but the more I go throughout my journey the more bridges I come across that say, "Road Closed," forcing me to find another way around them. Deciding not to drink, in itself, is already difficult enough but having to face and fix all of the chaos you've caused can be hard too. In planning trips I've realized I have work to do on mending the relationships I've severed in not handling things the right way. I will continue to make trips, being the sober friend in a sea of people who love and support me and don't require me to drink to feel welcome in their lives.
I ended up having a great time and was honest for the first time, to my friends, about my alcoholism. They supported me all weekend and I got to participate in all of their fun events even though I wasn't drinking. No one asked me to drink. No one badgered me. Not even the people who were there that were strangers to me asked me to drink or wondered why I wasn't. I was able to just be. I recommend making trips with people even if you think it might be awkward because of something you have done. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to at least you will have closure and you can find another path around the road that is closed.
Things To Consider:
1) Always bring someone or make sure someone is there who is in your corner 100%
2) Be mentally prepared to say that you are not drinking and be honest about why you are not
3) Have your feelings and thoughts ready if you know someone will be there that may not dig you for either something you have done or for a reason that is out of your control.
I definitely wouldn't have been able to do this if my husband wasn't with me. At the end of the day I know he has my back if I need it and that made me strong enough to say what I needed to say. People will offer you a drink if that's what you have done in the past or that's what they do. It's okay to say no and say why you're not. Be ready, not all friends are meant to come with us on this journey, and that will become painfully clear when you tell them you're not drinking. True friends should support you no matter what path you choose and these are the kinds of friends you should aspire to have. I'm not good at confrontation. I always have to have prerecorded phrases in my head when I am going into a situation where they may be needed. When I told my husband's friend how I felt I already had those feelings fresh in my brain. I was aware of them and was then able to make him aware of it also in the heat of the moment. Prepare things that are honest and truthful so when you are upset these will be the things said instead of the colorful comments that aren't conducive to healing.
Positives:
1) I had an awesome time and didn't feel the need to drink but one time and it was fleeting.
2) I realized I love Missouri and it will become a new and frequent vacation spot of mine 💗
3) I got to try out having fun in a new way and realized that I can do this if I want to
This vacation was relaxing, fun, and warm. I got to play Water slide Kickball, Trouble, Uno, Presidents and Jerks ;), cornhole, and, briefly, waterpong (briefly as I went to bed shortly after this). I enjoyed the warmth of the sun as I tanned in a pool, and the fireside at night as we roasted marshmallows and hot dogs. I made closer connections and exercised my voice when things weren't fair or were "ridiculous" as others cheated at games. I was able to go to bed when the drinking increased toward the end of the night and felt empowered by this event. Plan your own trips with people you love. Comment below if you're going through a rough time with your friends or if you have trips you're taking so we can share ideas on where to go from here. Visit Missouri it's GORGEOUS. Until next time be beautiful by being YOU.
I loved reading this so much. I feel like even though we text we don’t get to fully converse and I liked reading the raw truth. ❤️�� Love you!
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