Beautifully Me and Sober

   The next item on my list of hobbies to try is planning and going on trips! I had two trips planned and, of course they were back to back. I am not very good at this expert planning business. I'm definitely going to have to work on my ability to coordinate time frames better. Of course I'm sure this will get better as I go along, 🙄 hopefully. But, adultiness can't be accomplished in a day so I have to be patient with myself. Any hooskies, back to business.    My husband and I had planned to go to Missouri to see one of his good friends and hang out. He always wants me to come with him every where he goes and this makes me feel welcome and loved but I'll admit, I was a little apprehensive to go on this trip. Firstly because he and his friends make every event into a brothel and secondly because of my social anxiety. I'm always awkward but this occasion was special. You see, I wasn't sure if his friend was going to remember the one thing I did that one time on...

Hello All! Today is two months and it feels really good! I have a secret for you today...are you ready for this?? If left alone my mind controls my life. Is this you too? You sit on the couch for a few minutes after work. One moment you're detoxing from work by thinking about why your co-workers' panties were all in a bunch and the next thing you know your brain has spiraled into, "My life has no MEEEEEEAAAANNNIIIING *insert uncontrollable sobs here*." Oh yeah! I'm the queen of depression, anxiety, and ruminating when I am in a closed house in the eerie quiet. I had to find a way to combat this, apart from the previous choices that lead to disaster before. I realized I don't have any goals. I have no life goals, no bucket list items to check off and feel like I am contributing to my life. Today the advice is, if you don't already, Make a List of Goals For Self Growth. I know, I know, easier said than done. Your list doesn't have to change the world o...

Happy Music Playlist:   https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXpWSRr9kUKrZvs8Ssm6VYA9PLDhHH-fl          Take some of my list and save it to your own happy song list. Rituals are important. Staying busy and feeling connected is a part of growing up :) Below are a list of rituals I've begun. Enjoy and feel free to adapt them to your life 1. COFFEE WITH A FRIEND - Have you ever watched the show Friends and wanted a cool hang out spot like they did? I've thought about getting coffee or breakfast in the same spot everyday but then reality sets in and I remember that my bank account can't afford this. Nevertheless this was the next adventure on my list. I had this best friend that was my little ray of sunshine. She would encourage me when I was down, lift me up, spend time with me, and pray for me. We became like sisters up until she moved away to pursue her career as a teacher. I since have been able to be her little ray of sunshine as she goes through...

I mentioned before that I was wrong to think I could do this on my own. I'm going to be weak and have moments where I don't think I have a problem. Typically this happens because I want to be like everyone else and just have a couple, but for me "a couple" is not in my vocabulary. Last Sunday I taught Sunday School for a couple of kids that go to my church. Usually, my mother leads it or my sister, but both of them were out of town. I felt a nagging sensation to lead it in their stead. My first thought, "Okay, but what do I teach them?" Being a teacher does not mean we have lesson plans stashed away in our brains for a rainy day. It's not like there's a filing cabinet in my brain I can thumb through until I find the right lesson. Needless to say I felt hesitant and unworthy to teach. Mind you, this is all a 3 minute conversation that took place in my head. I started going through the usual stories that kids learn at church, David and Goliath, Ad...

The first thing I did upon getting sober again was reach out for help. Something that is a must when you can't quit on your own and you've tried is getting a support group. My support group is AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). You need a group of people who understand where you're coming from, have great words of wisdom, and will console instead of judge. Plus! Going to the meetings is like free therapy almost. You get to spill your guts about what holds you back AND you have people listening who have walked where you tread. You'll get advice from someone who can identify with you instead of speculate. The people I had surrounding me didn't support me in staying sober. This was a huge problem and was one of the many reasons I backslid.  I go now, twice a week, schedule permitting. They have said that you should go everyday and work through the twelve steps to be the strongest version of yourself, but for now two days a week is working for me. If I start to get the notion...

You know the old saying, "Failure ISN'T an option!"? Something I always tell my kids is that we are human, this means we make mistakes. This phrase is all fine and dandy for them because they are learning new things but as an adult I should be damn near perfect! HA. The only way our brains learn is by failing and making mistakes. The center of my alcoholism is having unrealistic standards for my journey. When I don't meet the expectations I have set for myself, I become morose. I know it's been a while since I posted last but if you were unable to guess, I failed. I drank. The problem isn't so much in the fact that I drank but rather in the fact that I wallowed in it for a good month. When I drink I get depressed and then use alcohol to make myself feel better. Which, for those of you that can identify, you know will only make things worse. I knew it was going to make things worse. After a month I was quickly reminded why I quit drinking in the first place and...